When I was groping my way out of the train, it felt as if I was being pushed around by the people around me. I remember it was nearly forty years since I first rode a train with my parents- my parents whom I have never seen. No, I could not think of another loss to add up to what I am bearing. So I found a place where I could sit on and waited for Martha to pick me up at the depot. What if she doesn’t recognize me after all these years? No, she’d know my face even now. Had I changed my features? I wouldn’t know. I can’t see myself. I am blind.
“Robert” I heard a familiar voice. It was Martha. I turned towards the direction of the sound calling me. What had taken her so long to pick me up? But then I felt a female’s hand on my arm.
“Robert, it is good to see you again!” Martha said, excitedly.
“It’s been almost ten years my dear.” I answered.”At long last, I could hear your voice personally.”
We drove to her house and when the car stopped, I felt the wave of emptiness overcome me again. She got out of the car and shut the door. I could still hear her laughing as she motioned towards the other side to open the door for me. It’s good to have some company. These past few days were too much for me. I love my wife very dearly and I just can’t take it that she’s out of my life. Martha took my arm and led me to the front porch where her husband welcomed me. It felt like I’ve met him already- that I’ve known him for quite some time. His name was Jake.
When we went inside the house, we seated ourselves comfortably at the sofa.
“Did you have a good train ride?” Jake said. “Which side of the train did you sit on, by the way?”
“What a question, which side!” Martha said.” What’s it matter which side?”
“I just asked”, Jake answered.
I didn’t mind him asking at all. I’m used to people treating me this way and somehow, I felt no trace of insult from him.
“Right side”, I said, “I hadn’t been on a train in nearly forty years. Not since I was a kid with my parents. That’s been a long time. Id nearly forgotten the sensation”
Afterwards, Jake asked if I would like a drink, then I remember the last time my wife and I had some wine together, that was on our wedding anniversary, a month ago. I agreed to have some scotch with a pinch of water. We talked further and after that, we had dinner.
When we are done eating, we took ourselves into the living room. I was quite pleased to know that I finally regained my appetite since my wife’s funeral. Martha and I talked of things that happened these past ten years. From time to time, I would ask Martha’s husband something. This man Jake, how does he picture his life? He lives it in a passive, boring way –at least that’s what I thought.
Then Martha told me to make myself comfortable. “I am comfortable” I said. Then she asked me to feel comfortable in their house again. “I am comfortable” I answered. What’s the point in asking me twice? I’ve already been here long enough for them to see evidently that I am at ease. She’s treating me like a child when in fact I’m older than her. After that she left the room.
Jake and I listened to the weather report. From the time she’d been gone so long, he offered me dope. I thought I’d try some with him. That was actually my first time.
When Martha came back, I could smell her despite the cannabis. She smelled of chamomile soap. I bet she has changed her dress for bed.
She seated herself and offered me the strawberry pie that was left over for dinner. The pie was okay, but my wife’s tastes a lot better.
“Maybe in a little while” I answered.
Not long after, Martha fell asleep. She was between Jake and I but nevertheless, we stayed awake. Jake was watching while I listen to the TV. I think that the TV is showing something called a cathedral. I could hear from the narrator that it took hundreds of workers, fifty or a hundred years to build. Oftentimes, the men who began their life’s work on them never lived to see the completion of their work. “Hmmm”I said. So I asked him to describe a cathedral to me because I really don’t have a good idea.
He tried hard to describe what a cathedral is. It seems to me that he is lost for words, that even if he is seeing it, he still doesn’t know how to describe it to a blind man. It’s like hearing a person talking about something obscure to him, so I asked him to find a heavy paper and a pen.
When he got back and placed the materials on the coffee table, I ran my fingers over the paper, down the sides and even to the edges. “All right” I said, “all right, let’s do her”.
I closed my hand over his and he started drawing a cathedral. I think he started with a box and on he went. Later, I asked him to close his eyes.
Martha was awoken and asked us what we were doing. For once, can she stop talking and leave us for a while? “It’s alright” I said to her. Thank goodness she didn’t venture to pry on.
Jake’s eyes were closed as I directed him to go on drawing. He’s doing pretty well and I urged him to keep up. When I thought that he got it, I told him to look at what he has drawn. I waited for him to reply. It seemed that the silence lasted for a long, long time.
“It’s really something” he said.
Finally, I think he was able to picture something without even seeing it.
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